Facebook status updates


Top 20 Funny Facebook Status Updates

Name… is wondering…. if money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

Name… is poking my face and wondering what all the fuss is about!

Name… has had amnesia for as long as he can remember.

Name… is wondering where Noah kept the woodpeckers on the ark

Name… is somewhat sceptical you’re laughing out loud as much as you claim.

Name… has CDO. It’s like OCD, except the letters are in alphabetical order…like they should be.

Name… is suffering from amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Name… is retired. I was tired yesterday, and I’m tired again today.

Name… has used all his sick days so is going to phone in dead.

Name… dreams of a better world…where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned

Name… used to play sports. Then he realised you can buy trophies. Now he’s good at everything.

Name… says do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Name… is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars?

Name… was bringing sexy back, but lost the receipt.

Name… thinks one good thing about Alzheimer’s is that you can hide your own Easter eggs!

Name… is proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.

Name… just wants to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes CAN change your life!

Name… says practice safe lunch. Use a condiment!

Name… wonders why Noah didn’t kill the mosquitoes while there were only two.

Name… was wondering why the Frisbee kept getting bigger. Then it hit him.


Link – http://www.onelinerz.net/top-100-funny-one-liners/


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